(January 28, 2025 Newsletter)
I can’t tell you how many times in the last few weeks (let alone throughout my coaching career) a client has asked to work on time management.
Their to-do lists or inboxes have spiraled out on control.
They’ve resolved to start off 2025 more organized but haven’t reset any habits.
They’ve set lofty goals for the year that require doing more, faster.
These moments have reminded me of an “aha” from my coach training program, when our instructor declared “There is no such thing as time management.”
What she meant was that time can’t be managed. Time just is. We can manage our energy, our tasks, our organizational skills, but not time.
Why it matters
It might seem like semantics, but the difference between time management and self-management is important because it points the spotlight in the right direction - on what you can control.
Let’s say you’re constantly in meetings and the only time to get to your deliverables are nights and weekends. You used to reserve “heads down time” during the day, but those blocks got overridden so often that you’ve given up and have slipped back into unhealthy and unsustainable habits.
Which do you think is going to work better? Insisting that this time you’ll treat those focus time blocks as sacred, or understanding why they disappear in the first place and setting new commitments from there?
Redirect to self-management
What does it look like to focus on managing yourself?
Understand what’s happening. Let’s stick with the time block example. When someone needs something from you do you offer a slot that you’ve reserved for yourself? Do you say yes to calendar invites that overlap with those times? Do you stay quiet about meetings that aren’t a good use of your time?
Unpack the pattern. If you’re the one saying yes to (or even offering) the focus time block, what assumptions are you making about the value of your time versus others’ time? About your role within the company? About what will happen if you push back about ineffective recurring meetings? Once you’ve uncovered the assumptions, you can rewrite them to be more accurate. For example, “If I hold onto that time slot, I’ll be seen as selfish” becomes “If I hold onto that time slot, I can serve the team by doing the work that no one else can do.”
Make a plan. For the above example, some of the following solutions could be right for you: Have a phrase you repeat to yourself like “My time is valuable.” Plan out and practice what you’d say (or write) when you feel tempted to give away the time slot so that you’re ready with your response the next time the situation happens. Reach out about meetings where your presence is not really needed (and how you can contribute asynchronously, if needed). Put the time slots you need on the calendar and challenge yourself to stick to them once, then twice, then for a whole week.
Use your resources to get and stay on track. Having a buddy makes it easier to stick to new commitments (a coach is one kind of buddy, as are coworkers and/or your admin), and our phones and computers have many capabilities to help us stay on track. For example, putting those pre-written responses into a Note that syncs across devices ensures that you’re always ready to hold onto that sacred time, and explaining to your admin who helps with your calendar why the time is important can help them help you hold onto it.
As you can see, none of this process is about managing time. It’s about developing your awareness, addressing the root cause of the challenge, and implementing a gradual plan with supports in place to get into healthier habits.
Final thought: The point about practice, above, is the key here. Having an insight isn’t enough if you don’t design a plan and integrate it. Small steps add up – eventually, you’ll find that “time management” issues lead way to a new understanding of yourself that aligns with how you plan your days, weeks, and months.
The Coaching Corner
Before digging into a challenge, ask for a goal
While a client was describing a dilemma last week, I was thinking to myself “I wonder what the real challenge is for her.” What came out of my mouth, though, was “What do you imagine success will look like for you here?”
She sat back and paused.
Then she described a mini vision that included a potential solution. Instead of sinking into the problem, we lifted the energy and she saw the possibilities.
Recommendations
Short video: Dr. Liane Davey on sorting out competing priorities. I appreciate the 4 steps she lays out, especially the one about communicating the priorities to others after confirming that it’s accurate.
This podcast episode, “To Build Stronger Teams, Ask Better Questions” will make its way into my syllabi about asking good questions. I’m struck by a point that came up here and in Supercommunicators: people know you’re really listening when you ask a follow up that gives them a reason to reflect on what they just said.
This podcast episode “The First Steps to Reducing My Anxiety with author Mel Robbins” is my first encounter with Mel Robbins. I admit I’ve never listened to her podcast or read her books, but now I will. If you’re a fan, send me back a rec of what I should read or listen to.
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