Upping the pressure in a loving way
- mayadolgin
- May 5
- 3 min read
(May 5, 2025 Newsletter)
A client mentioned to me that he got the highest compliment he could from a team member: “You make me want to work harder.”
Why it matters
A concern I hear from managers when I teach them how to adopt a coaching approach to managing is that it will make them go soft on their people.
They ask, “If I put all that energy into listening to their feelings, encouraging them, showing empathy and compassion, aren’t I more likely to be too nice to them?”
Let’s make one thing very clear: coaching isn’t the same as indulging. And it’s certainly not the same thing as coddling.
In short, we coach to increase motivation, productivity, and engagement.
So how can you up the pressure in a loving way?
Set high expectations – Don’t shy away from being very clear about what needs to get done, by when. Help your team members understand how their efforts will advance the mission of the organization. Offer encouragement by pointing out how you know they’ll be able to succeed.
Offer an appropriate amount of support – team members at different levels of performance will need different levels of support. As you talk through the plan, find opportunities for them to take the lead, and make sure you agree on what you mean by “support.”
Follow up and course correct – keep a close eye on progress. When something isn’t up to your standards, use phrases like “I’m sure you’ll get there, but this isn’t quite ready yet.” When something is behind schedule, try “I know you have a lot going on, but we agreed on a deadline.” Ask open-ended questions that focus on identifying challenges and solutions. Stay forward-looking, not stuck in the past.
Debrief for learnings – don’t skip this! Do it at the end of projects, or if the pace of work is unrelenting, then make it a monthly agenda item: What are you learning? What have you learned? What do you want to learn next? Celebrate “failures” as opportunities to learn.
Where you might get stuck
Some of these circumstances might get in your way, so what can you do?
When you see a team member struggling – if you feel the instinct to jump in and save them, pause. Remind them you believe in them and that’s why you’re pushing harder, not letting up. Ask how you can keep them energized to keep going. Make sure they have time to re-energize between assignments, big and small.
When they’re impacted by stress outside of work – offer empathy without assuming that they need to lighten their load. Keep your eye on the broader team so you’re ready to adjust workloads temporarily, as needed.
When you don’t have “time” – look at your own schedule and carve out time to recharge. Running on empty while your plate is overflowing makes it extra hard to be an enthusiastic cheerleader, which is exactly what your team will need while they’re working extra hard.
Final thought: The harder the work, the louder the message needs to be, “I believe in you.” The message needs to be genuine, so make sure you have a good sense of each team members’ strengths, motivations, and trajectories, so you can be as specific as possible.
The Coaching Corner
When you manage managers, focus on their experience as coaching-managers, as opposed to the details of their challenges.
When they come to you with a challenge that relates to a person or people on their team, try out some of these questions:
In what way is this an opportunity for you, as their supervisor?
What’s the real challenge for you, as their supervisor?
What do you think the right answer is?
What are you hoping to hear from me? What are you afraid I might say about this?
Recommendations
The new “State of the Global Workforce” report highlights that manager engagement is down and is having ripple effects across organizations. The recommended interventions are all in my wheelhouse: management training, teaching coaching skills to managers, and doing ongoing coaching for managers (including in groups).
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