(September 9, 2024 Newsletter)
In my coach training program, my instructor defined integrity as the experience of aligning our thoughts, words, and actions.
She also warned us that people spend most of their lives out of alignment and seeking lives of integrity. That was one of the biggest aha’s for me in the program and one that shaped my purpose and the focus of my work.
In the years since, I’ve come to think of emotions as a fourth dimension that lives beneath the surface, impacting the ebb and flow of our energy. So at this point I describe integrity as the alignment of our feelings, thoughts, words, and actions.
Why it matters
We all know what it feels like to be out of alignment. It can manifest in many ways, like:
We spend time doing things that don’t matter to us at the expense of things that do.
We say things out loud that we don’t actually agree with – or stay quiet about what’s important to us instead of speaking up.
We lash out at others when we’re really upset with ourselves.
In leadership roles, this misalignment impacts not only ourselves, but those around us exponentially.
Without realizing it, our teams and partners are carefully picking up on our energy and responding accordingly.
The more authority one has, the more likely it is that small shifts will be dissected and interpreted, causing people to question our true intentions, which can in turn elicit nervousness, anger, or concern.
So seeking and maintaining alignment is crucial not only for our wellbeing, but the wellbeing of the people in our orbits as well. It’s essential to being an effective leader – and leaders today can’t afford to paper over this truth any longer.
I have a lot more to say on the topic. I think about it a lot, talk about it with clients, write about elements of it (like about grounding your decisions in your values, staying your best under pressure, and aligning with others) but have written little about it directly.
So expect more in the coming months as I finally organize my thoughts on why and how to become an aligned leader. Stay tuned. This is just the beginning.
Here’s an ask –
If an example from your own leadership came to mind while reading the above, send me a note – I’d love to know what it feels like for you to be aligned, out of alignment, or on a path of leading with integrity.
The Coaching Corner
Being friendly and direct
Your team members need your sharp observations along with support. If you shy away from pointing out what you’re noticing out of fear of hurting someone’s feelings, you’re depriving them of a growth opportunity. So here are a few prompts for starting the conversation:
I know you can get even better at X, so if you focused on Y, I think it would bring you even closer to hitting it out of the park.
I’ve seen you make a lot of progress on X and I think the next step for you would be working on Y.
I get the sense that you’re motivating to get better at X, so do you want to talk through Y piece of the puzzle?
Recommendations
Podcast: I started listening to Wild Card with Rachel Martin and love the format (the interviewee picks questions out of a deck of cards and answers them honestly). It feels like such a great model for anyone looking to spark deep conversation efficiently but doesn’t know where to start.
It reminded me of a box of prompts that I enjoy very much – Where Should We Begin? A Game of Stories by Esther Perel. In short, you don’t have to come up with the questions yourself.
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